


The Memoir

by WriterOnAMission



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon-ish, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Feelings, More tags to be added if this does become a thing, Sad, Violence, and the tags will be better and more fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 05:15:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18218702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterOnAMission/pseuds/WriterOnAMission
Summary: The latest expedition has a certain Captain reminiscing the heavy casualtiesandyou–the naive thorn in his side.





	The Memoir

The once violently flickering flame was beginning to wisp away, swallowed up by an ocean of wax encircling the wick. Levi couldn’t bring himself to put it out. His arms were too weak from the latest Survey Corps expedition. Instead, he opted for the candle’s torturous death—being consumed, surrounded with no where to go, no escape in sight.

Much like the lost lives of the Survey Corps latest _heroes_. Gods knew he wasn’t one tonight.

Dead eyes: blue, brown, and green, all crying out for a savior that would _never_ come. He couldn’t even pray for their mercy. There were too many for him to bare alone. All the nightmare inducing screams from the excruciating agony of limbs being torn from their sockets; skin _ripping_ and _tearing_ loudly like a tailor shredding fabric. Crimson seeped into the soil, splattered the trees, and bled into the sky leaving the lone survivors with a gruesome melancholy in their souls.

Levi clenched his jaw. It hurt to grit his teeth, but it seemed autonomous. Levi quietly stood from his chair. The leather straps suffocating his body felt _heavy_. Each one constricting the vital veins within his body waiting until the day his veins exploded from the pressure, spewing his own blood everywhere. His _just_ punishment. Leather straps were metal chains.

Covered in dirt and blood, Levi’s skin was becoming itchy. Tiny pricks on his flesh indicated where each drop was. For all he knew, it could be a single drop for each person that had died. And, he was _plagued_ with them. The foul, nostril burning scent stuck to his skin. The acid in his stomach was beginning to sting, threatening to spill from his mouth as his gut wrenched unforgivingly.

Once he was undressed, Levi slowly ambled to the washroom. Even with skin scalding water, and copious amounts of soap, Levi felt the permanent _stain_ soaking into his flesh. Nails digging into his palms, knuckles white, he pounded on the walls. The drain gurgled down the soapy water tainted with the disasters of his _Commander’s_ final call: a fucking anomaly in retrospect.

Every time he closed his eyes, even transiently, the lost faces were there all too eager to greet him. His bed softly creaked as Levi sat at the edge. Cradling his throbbing head in his hands, Levi’s legs felt restless yet controlled. If only the Gods would grant him clemency by permitting Levi some dreamless hours of sleep. He snickered, chiding himself. That was cruel, for him to even ask. He would be _safe_ tonight, _warm_ under a blanket. Not disintegrating in Titan bile.  

Levi decided he would talk to Commander Erwin in the morning, bringing to his attention the need for a special squad hand selected by Levi himself. The best the Survey Corps had—personally trained by none other than himself. He needed his comrades to stop dying. He bit back the fresh memories lingering from two gone too soon but not forgotten.

“ _God damn it_!” He seethed, slamming both hands down on each of his sides, eyes bursting even wider.

Not once, until now, had he thought about _you_. You, the _brat_. You, the incorrigible thorn in his side. It had been your second expedition, and nearly all of your fellow cadets had perished on this fucking mission. Levi scoffed. _Did you really think that because the first one went off without a hitch, they all would?_

Under the supervision of Major Zacharias had you barely _scathed_ by like a typical greenhorn. It wasn’t Levi’s job to keep an eye on you. Mike was a great leader who cared about his squadron. Even if it was only you, he, and two of his seasoned that were spared by the Gods. The Survey Corps lost a lot of bodies today.

Your eyes penetrated Levi’s mind. He’d seen that expression countless times. Raw, visceral terror. Etched perfectly on your once smooth, doll-like complexion. You were too _fragile_ for this life. Not that he cared. Why you signed on for such calamity _or_ were allowed to join, despite the swelling casualties and severe lack of _willing_ abled bodies, was beyond him. It made his blood boil. _You_ made his blood boil with your naivety.

 

If only you’d been prepared. _Even though no one really ever is._

Having the proper training and experience. _Which, consequently, comes with time; an invaluable, limited resource._

Then, _maybe_ you’d have a fighting chance in this Titan infested world. _Where no one seems to be escaping._  

 

Levi inhaled sharply before turning to face the candle. It was hanging onto its light for dear life. A pool of wax surrounded the rim, ready to spill down the sides. Only when the wax decided to drown the remaining flame instead, did Levi turn onto his back again. Even though tomorrow was a new day, one probably full of paperwork and meetings, he’d have to put on his stout, stoic façade and _do it all over again_.  

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry so short. Just sort of came to me, ya know? I don't know if this will really be a thing or not (I'll leave that up to you guys, lol). I already have a couple of stories, but I felt the need to practice my writing and had an idea so this was the final product. It's much different than my other stories, so it was a nice... reprieve. :) 
> 
> _Please_ let me know what your thoughts are?! I'm genuinely curious. :D


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